We don’t often think about it, but self-esteem plays a key role in a child’s development. It shapes how they view themselves, handle challenges, and interact with the world. For neurodivergent learners, including those who are twice exceptional, self-esteem can be impacted by the unique way they experience learning and the world around them.
Being a unique learner can sometimes mean facing situations where their abilities are misunderstood or where differences are seen as struggles instead of strengths. Whether it’s navigating sensory sensitivities, learning differences, or social challenges, these experiences almost always influence how they feel about themselves. When a child feels like they have to work harder to meet expectations, it can take a toll on their confidence.
But, self-esteem grows when a child feels seen, valued, and supported. When their strengths are recognized and their efforts are celebrated, it helps them believe in their ability to succeed, even when things are difficult. Building a positive sense of self requires creating an environment where your child feels capable, accepted, and empowered to be themselves.
Here’s how you can support a neurodivergent learner’s self-esteem and help them build lifelong confidence.
- Focus on Their Strengths
Every child has something they’re good at, whether it’s solving puzzles, creating stories, exploring nature, or mastering a topic they’re passionate about. Focusing on these strengths can help your child feel capable and valued.
Take time to notice the activities they naturally gravitate toward and the moments when they show persistence, creativity, or care. Acknowledge those moments with genuine praise, such as, “I noticed how carefully you organized your art supplies—that was really thoughtful.”
When children feel appreciated for their strengths instead of singled out for their challenges, they begin to see themselves as capable, talented individuals with something valuable to offer the world.
- Celebrate Progress with Small Goals
Confidence grows when children experience success—especially when that success comes from overcoming personal challenges. Setting small, manageable goals gives neurodivergent learners opportunities to experience achievement without feeling overwhelmed.
Instead of focusing on the final outcome, celebrate the steps along the way. If a child struggles with writing, for example, acknowledge the effort it took to brainstorm ideas or write a single sentence rather than waiting for a completed essay.
This approach helps children associate success with effort rather than perfection, showing them that growth happens one step at a time.
- Encourage Choice and Autonomy
Empowering neurodivergent learners to make choices fosters a sense of control and self-worth. Providing options—whether in schoolwork, playtime, or daily routines—helps them feel trusted and capable.
At home, you can offer choices around chores, such as picking between folding laundry or helping prepare a meal, to give them a sense of responsibility while still respecting their preferences.
The goal is to balance guidance with freedom, allowing your child to feel capable while avoiding overwhelming decision fatigue.
- Create a Safe Space for Mistakes
Mistakes are a natural part of learning, but for neurodivergent children, they can sometimes feel discouraging or even overwhelming. It’s important to create an environment where mistakes are seen as growth opportunities, not failures.
When your child makes a mistake, stay calm and supportive. Remind them that everyone, even adults, makes mistakes and learns from them. Try phrases like, “Mistakes are part of learning. You’re still figuring this out, and that’s okay.”
Sharing your own experiences can be incredibly powerful. Let your child know about a time when you made a mistake and how you handled it. This helps normalize the idea that learning involves trying, stumbling, and trying again.
- Help Them Understand Their Unique Learning Style
Neurodivergent children often learn in ways that don’t match traditional methods—and that’s perfectly okay. Some kids need to move while learning, while others benefit from hands-on activities, visuals, or quiet spaces to focus.
Help your child discover how they learn best by exploring different strategies together. If they focus better while doodling or using fidget tools, encourage it. If they need more time to process verbal instructions, try written reminders or visual schedules.
By supporting their learning style instead of forcing them into a mold, you’re showing them that their way of learning is valid and valuable.
Building self-esteem takes time, but every moment you spend encouraging your child’s growth, celebrating their strengths, and standing by them through challenges makes a difference. By focusing on what makes them unique and helping them see their own capabilities, you’re giving your child a foundation of confidence that will stay with them for life.
At West Hills Academy, we believe every neurodivergent learner deserves to feel empowered, supported, and capable. If you’re looking for more ways to help your child thrive, reach out to us today to learn how our specialized programs celebrate every student’s strengths and inspire lifelong confidence.
Resources:
https://raisingchildren.net.au/autism/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/building-confidence-asd
https://theotbutterfly.com/self-esteem-linked-to-spd/sws-podcast/
https://www.edutopia.org/article/supporting-neurodivergent-students-school/
